Was at work today and couldn't stop thinking about a new verse to my poem which will probably end up being a novel by the time I am done with it :(
So the last part was..
"haven't felt like this in SUCH a long time, and like I mentioned earlier today, love is such a great feeling and I don't want it to go away!! You make me tingle deep inside and when I see you I want to turn around and hide.
Said it before, I can write forever about you, and everything I say will be true.
I don't know how you did it but you're something I just can't quit."
Now the addition...
Thought it about it all day long, mind was there and thoughts were strong. Thought about how you said last night, that no one interesting has appeared in your sight. Thought I had a chance to be, in that spot but no even to the lowest degree.
So now I made up my mind, and I'll let it all fall behind.
Will start acting like a normal kid, and it will all be just something that I wish I never did. To fall so hard and not be caught, it's a stupid lesson that once again I must be taught.
I might as well chose to live like this, and tell you not of my outstanding and great and loving bliss. I'll be really sad and it will hurt, it's true, but I hate the feeling of knowing I can never even kiss or hold you.
This may sound like quite the thing, but I don't want to just have a fling.
You might get scared and want to run off, after you see what I wrote,
and it's crazy because I can remember everything you have ever said, and I could always quote, you on everything you say, but you're just like on display. You're this thing that can't be touched like a precious illusion that can't be clutched. Clutched I know it's not the brightest of words, but hey, we're not all nerds..to know and come up with crazy rhymes sometimes.
You are on my mind more than my sport and I do want you to be there but only for short.(bc I have to focus on skating!!) It's a nice feeling to have, you wondering around my brain, but there can only be so much pain.
Once again I have made a mistake and for yours and my own sake, I'll leave this be and never ever ever EVER ;) talk about it, I can guarantee.
But then I'd be lying if I said that.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Day off.
Hey.
Today was my day off, but not really. Woke up without my alarm at 10am. Left my house at 1045 to be at work for 11. Got there right at 11, which wasn't too good.
Worked and got off at 7:30. Home now, and need to do some homework but will go to sleep instead. Am really exhausted after yesterday. After the 1000m I went home and took a 1 hour and 30minute nap and then went to coffee with a friend. The one hour coffee date turned into a 5.5 hour one and I was home by 11ish. Went to bed at 1.30am, because I had SO much on my mind and it kind of sucks when I have to focus on school and skating too. Them extra issues are not even important but are at the same time :(
So the 1000m yesterday...I promised I'd talk about it. Well after the 500m, Alessia, Jodi, Gina and I went to get lunch at Market mall and I finished eating one hour before my race...so I though it was going to be ok! But I ate SOO much that it's not even funny anymore haha.
SO I show up at the oval and am feeling heavy..stomach not feeling great. Ok I'm going to skip to the start line. I could feel my stomach wanting to explode out of my tight suit. Like, it's already tight enough and now it was suffocating..
I get to the start line, I get in ready position and I then realise I am NOT focused. I false start because I'm worried and just needed to do it.
Get back down in start posish and the gun goes off. First 3 steps- my upperbody is not in sync with my legs. I realize it and I tell my self what the hell! Then I enter the corner, and am on the outside lane, have no speed yet and get pretty mad because my blade slipped. Tried to power through the corner, had both arms going on the straight away.. 20.04 start. SLOW! Cathrine had a 20.01. Cross onver into the inside lane after the 2nd corner, and feel my legs already cramping up. One lap passes and I am on the inside..look at the clock as I pass it..31.44 lap time. I know I'm screwed then. I look at Abby who was coaching because Crispo wasn;t there. She doesn't even say anything. I want to stand up and just leave it. No power in my legs. Lactic took over. Couldn't even get around the last corner. Got around it and finished with a 1.25.
Weak.
Today was my day off, but not really. Woke up without my alarm at 10am. Left my house at 1045 to be at work for 11. Got there right at 11, which wasn't too good.
Worked and got off at 7:30. Home now, and need to do some homework but will go to sleep instead. Am really exhausted after yesterday. After the 1000m I went home and took a 1 hour and 30minute nap and then went to coffee with a friend. The one hour coffee date turned into a 5.5 hour one and I was home by 11ish. Went to bed at 1.30am, because I had SO much on my mind and it kind of sucks when I have to focus on school and skating too. Them extra issues are not even important but are at the same time :(
So the 1000m yesterday...I promised I'd talk about it. Well after the 500m, Alessia, Jodi, Gina and I went to get lunch at Market mall and I finished eating one hour before my race...so I though it was going to be ok! But I ate SOO much that it's not even funny anymore haha.
SO I show up at the oval and am feeling heavy..stomach not feeling great. Ok I'm going to skip to the start line. I could feel my stomach wanting to explode out of my tight suit. Like, it's already tight enough and now it was suffocating..
I get to the start line, I get in ready position and I then realise I am NOT focused. I false start because I'm worried and just needed to do it.
Get back down in start posish and the gun goes off. First 3 steps- my upperbody is not in sync with my legs. I realize it and I tell my self what the hell! Then I enter the corner, and am on the outside lane, have no speed yet and get pretty mad because my blade slipped. Tried to power through the corner, had both arms going on the straight away.. 20.04 start. SLOW! Cathrine had a 20.01. Cross onver into the inside lane after the 2nd corner, and feel my legs already cramping up. One lap passes and I am on the inside..look at the clock as I pass it..31.44 lap time. I know I'm screwed then. I look at Abby who was coaching because Crispo wasn;t there. She doesn't even say anything. I want to stand up and just leave it. No power in my legs. Lactic took over. Couldn't even get around the last corner. Got around it and finished with a 1.25.
Weak.
Luv.
Dear Diary, I loved a man who loved not back; saw something new that set me off track. met someone of interest, who makes me bring out my best. i dont know what he knows of but hes the one i truly love. everyday i see him there and i just cant seem to be able to stop to care. there was competition for this one man and he finds it hot when i say hot damn. i could go on about him forver but he'll never know i like him, ever. i liked him for so long and my feelings for him are so strong. i remember the time when he came back, i was jumping for joy and almost got a heart attack.
Now it's a diff story and I have to recheck my inventory.
what to do what to do , it aint good to be in love with you. so far away but also close, have to have my daily dose.
one week later...
Now, the man I love and recently decided to care for, just decided to silently slam his door. Casual as it ever might have seem, hurt as ever have I been. Good with words and gestures too, man do I ever feel like a FOOL. Was about to say what was on my min, but just got kicked in the behind. Do I cry and feel down or get over it and turn that slight frown upside down? He said he don't got any time at all, when we were sitting inside the...
Now am afraid to say a thing because I'm scared of him saying no. Then we'd wait for the relationship to grow. But I hate having to feel this way for SO damn long, and in the end having it turn out wrong.
I want him to make the first move because it will set the groove. I won't say no and it would never cross my mind, because I don't want this thing of ours to be blind.
Just say something.
---
I might just let it go and not go with the flow.
Will just pretend it never happened and that there was nothing there,
that I never seemed to care.
I know it should all be clear and should be just said, but if I tell you I think I'd be so embarrassed and shy that I'd drop dead. And you say it's so easy and I should just go for it but I'm afraid of rejection to hit. That's all, now I'm gonna crawl
back into my hole in the ground and will wait in the lost and found.
Having a conflict inside with myself about this certain situation, thank god it's not depression!
I haven't felt like this in SUCH a long time, and like I mentioned earlier today, love is such a great feeling and I don't want it to go away!! You make me tingle deep inside and when I see you I want to turn around and hide.
Said it before, I can write forever about you, and everything I say will be true.
I don't know how you did it but you're something I just can't quit.
Now it's a diff story and I have to recheck my inventory.
what to do what to do , it aint good to be in love with you. so far away but also close, have to have my daily dose.
one week later...
Now, the man I love and recently decided to care for, just decided to silently slam his door. Casual as it ever might have seem, hurt as ever have I been. Good with words and gestures too, man do I ever feel like a FOOL. Was about to say what was on my min, but just got kicked in the behind. Do I cry and feel down or get over it and turn that slight frown upside down? He said he don't got any time at all, when we were sitting inside the...
Now am afraid to say a thing because I'm scared of him saying no. Then we'd wait for the relationship to grow. But I hate having to feel this way for SO damn long, and in the end having it turn out wrong.
I want him to make the first move because it will set the groove. I won't say no and it would never cross my mind, because I don't want this thing of ours to be blind.
Just say something.
---
I might just let it go and not go with the flow.
Will just pretend it never happened and that there was nothing there,
that I never seemed to care.
I know it should all be clear and should be just said, but if I tell you I think I'd be so embarrassed and shy that I'd drop dead. And you say it's so easy and I should just go for it but I'm afraid of rejection to hit. That's all, now I'm gonna crawl
back into my hole in the ground and will wait in the lost and found.
Having a conflict inside with myself about this certain situation, thank god it's not depression!
I haven't felt like this in SUCH a long time, and like I mentioned earlier today, love is such a great feeling and I don't want it to go away!! You make me tingle deep inside and when I see you I want to turn around and hide.
Said it before, I can write forever about you, and everything I say will be true.
I don't know how you did it but you're something I just can't quit.
Racing has beguneth
Hey
Had my first race of the season this morning.
Did a 500m and a 1000m.
In the 500m I skated really well, coming quite close to last season's personal best time of 41.37. I had an 11.30 second start and a final time of 41.45
I get to the start line, and I set my feet in the start position. The starter said ready, and both Elyce and I went into our ready position. I was focused...then I false started. I felt the need to move because I wanted to get some tension out.
Then as I turn around and return to the start, I tell myself focus, stay strong, low and focus Alex focus!
"ready" boom. Gun goes off, I feel my body stand up higher than it usually does on a start- because I'm nervous. I feel so strong though. I just push through and then slowly start to glide and push after 30m. I come across the 100m line and sneak a look at the time board. I'm on the outside lane and see the 11.30. I know it's mine because I'm ahead of Elyce. I'm happy and start swining my inside arm to o faster. Extra cross over coming out of the corner and then my arms start pumping hard, and all I am thinking about is LOW LOW LOW AND STRONG. I don't remmeber entering the corner wide, but i remember leaning in and starting to see the finish line.
I feel my legs cramping a bit, and realize I have to push through hard for anohter 70meters. As much as my feet wouldn't move, I had to!
So I skated strong all the way to the finish, which I never did. I alway gave up just before...weird. Looked up at the time and there I was 41.45. Threw the right arm up and you would have heard a yes come out silently if you were within a 10m radius. ;)
The 1000, I'll talk about later ;)
That's a WHOLE diff story.
Alex
Had my first race of the season this morning.
Did a 500m and a 1000m.
In the 500m I skated really well, coming quite close to last season's personal best time of 41.37. I had an 11.30 second start and a final time of 41.45
I get to the start line, and I set my feet in the start position. The starter said ready, and both Elyce and I went into our ready position. I was focused...then I false started. I felt the need to move because I wanted to get some tension out.
Then as I turn around and return to the start, I tell myself focus, stay strong, low and focus Alex focus!
"ready" boom. Gun goes off, I feel my body stand up higher than it usually does on a start- because I'm nervous. I feel so strong though. I just push through and then slowly start to glide and push after 30m. I come across the 100m line and sneak a look at the time board. I'm on the outside lane and see the 11.30. I know it's mine because I'm ahead of Elyce. I'm happy and start swining my inside arm to o faster. Extra cross over coming out of the corner and then my arms start pumping hard, and all I am thinking about is LOW LOW LOW AND STRONG. I don't remmeber entering the corner wide, but i remember leaning in and starting to see the finish line.
I feel my legs cramping a bit, and realize I have to push through hard for anohter 70meters. As much as my feet wouldn't move, I had to!
So I skated strong all the way to the finish, which I never did. I alway gave up just before...weird. Looked up at the time and there I was 41.45. Threw the right arm up and you would have heard a yes come out silently if you were within a 10m radius. ;)
The 1000, I'll talk about later ;)
That's a WHOLE diff story.
Alex
Monday, August 3, 2009
Banff, BBQ, Long Story
Hey all.
Sorry that I haven't written for a while. Went to Banff, Lake Louise, Radium Springs and back home to Calgary all in one day! It was crazy. I slept really well in the car though.
I will make this a tad short because I have to sleep because I train in the morning.
I was invited to a BBQ with the Korean National Short Track team on Saturday and I went. Was great! Coaches are really nice people- skaters are amazing!
Sunday I worked all day basically. Then went to check out a road bike and talked with a guy for some ideas for sponsorship.
Now my new task this week is to raise $1000.00. By the end of Sunday. I work from 3-pm to 9.30pm all days except Saturday. We're going to Lake Louise for a 6h hike with the team, then we're camping and sleeping overnight. Shall be sweet.
I have to head off. Just realized I have to postpone work for Sunday. Since I'll be late if I sleep over.
Ah!
Good night,
Alex
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