NEW BLOG- NOT USING THIS ONE ANYMORE

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80% Mental, 20% Physical

Here are some important things I've said last. Refresh your memory. (About after-racing)

What did I do right.

What can I improve.

Lets go to work. What's next.

--

Walk it

Talk it

Think it

Act it

What you think might be your worst race, will actually be the best opportunity to bring the best you've EVER given.

Ok, so now I'll add one more thing..

Condition your mind, and body will follow

Nobody is perfect, until you fall in love with them

Pics from the concert

Bryan and k.d Lang singing Imagine!

Bryan Adams and k.d Lang!

Oh my goshness. Tonight was absolutely stellar!

I saw Bryan Adams and k.d Lang LIVE! Was a loner but in the end took misss Kate Hanly with me :)

So...the concert was fabulous. k.d started and I must say, I think I am in love with her voice more than I am in love with..hm um, john lennon? She is spectacular and is SO funny. I had a good laugh. She came on stage barefooted, and also danced for us. But she truly is one of a kind. My ears are still ringing.

Mr Adams on the other hand, was so handsome as always, and his voice just turns me on. Ah he is such a great performer and good story teller. I was really looking forward to seeing him perform.

Had a free ticket to take anyone with me. Had some 1st choices that couldn't so I decided to go by myself but mother dearest had a lovely idea/person to ask, and so I did. And am damn glad she could come. Her mom taught me how to speed skate actually, and we used to short track back when we were 9 y.o. Now kate is 16 and was on the junior CDN team last year. :) :-*

The best song that Bryan sand tonight was Let's Make A Night. And I totally can NOT believe he started with 'Run To You'. That's like one of my love theme songs. AH!

Will post a video or two from tonight. Ok seats, good sound, great night. Now off to Ben and Jerry. Ha (inside joke)

I didn't get any work done this afternoon. Had to study for an exam tomorrow and also write another essay. Will do that right now actually. It's just 12am. I think I will sacrifice one night out of the month to do that. Then training in 5 hours. Will not be too good but I'll survive. Just one night. ACTUALLY- change of plans. I need to be at school in the morning, so I will probably train in the afternoon which works out quite well if I do say so myself.

Have a new focus plan. Don't waste time on useless stuff- therefore I will do homework like everyday (har har) and will focus on skating. The two things I am here for. I don't wait for no one, and I move fast. So keep up.

Noapte Buna.

-Alexandra-

I wish all days could end the way they should.

Bonne soir.

I just got back from coaching- which was probably the worst night I've ever had out. Home now, finished half a tub of ice cream. Still doesn't taste like ice cream. Nothing tastes like anything since last Monday. Why does it feel like I have to stop liking him? I don't want to but like every time I see him, he just pulls himself further and further away.

I don't even know how to act normal anymore. Because every time I do, he probably thinks it's annoying so then I try and be distant and cold, but that's not like me. Why am I over thinking this?

Watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang now.

I was lying down on my couch and my landlord's cat just came and sat itself down on my lap and just curled up. Sometimes I wonder how this random cat can just love a stranger. Ok I promised myself I won't be down, and I will just go on with life. Life will go on.

Now onto the happy things- Talked to Ireland, Wotherspoon and Myk Makowsky today and got the greatest new outlook on a bunch of stuff. Me can't wait to FINALLY start skating fast. Finally.

Ok, gonna go finish up the ice cream. Tonight was just stupid. He was awkward so I just decided not to say anything at all. Hate it when anyone just over does something when they know a certain something and then they just make it weird.

But what just made my day, and I just read it now- got a message in my honesty box by a guy, don't know who, and he just said something really nice, and it was kind of sweet cause a tear just rolled down my cheek. It's people like these that keep you going on days like these. :(

You look good with some stubble.

Alex

Think about it.

Hey!

Today was rather interesting. And good! I got my address for where I'll be staying while I'm in Vancouver for the 2010's. This morning's training was really good. Partly because I was so focused during the warm-up but still made it fun. You don't want to be too serious during practice, but you still want to have that tunnel vision. Once you get to a higher level like Nesbitt or Wotherspoon, you'll see the difference to the approach they take in warm-up, as to our approach.

It's like painting. Everyone has a different style in painting one thing. Or like looking at one object from a different perspective. Or adding extra detail to that painting. Being a perfectionist has it's advantages but also has it's disadvantages. I find myself focusing on one thing for weeks at a time and if it doesn't work in a race, when I think I am prepared for it, I get quite frustrated but then I have to look at the different things I do right, instead of focus on the negative.

When I do race, it's quite interesting because my sport psychologist got me to look at things in a very different way..

I'll finish racing and if I had a bad race, well first off, I NEVER look at what I did wrong.

Here's how I approach it:

What did I do right.

What can I improve.

Lets go to work. What's next.

Another thing I have been working on, not only inside the oval, but during everyday life/every where I go, is to pretend I have already been at the Olympics and that it's just my second time around. To not be starstruck when I see the national team, but instead be a part of the team. Hence the name of my blog- I've been here before. It's just my second time 'round.

Walk it

Talk it

Think it

Act it

So I'll leave you with one more thought and then I have to get on with my homework, or there will be consequences at school. (kidding)

What you think might be your worst race, will actually be the best opportunity to bring the best you've EVER given.

-Alex Ianculescu-

Racing.

WOW. Surprisingly weird, I am very excited.

Went to sleep at 230 am last night, and woke up at 8. Got to the oval at 9am, instead of 830. Ice warmup felt great and starts were super!

Racing, that's different.
My 500 time was 42.11. 30.6 lap time, and 11.49 start. Not impressed.

1500 on the other hand, was SO good. Laser focus and tunnel vision. Had a 28 start-slower than usual, and 2.11 finish. Great feeling throughout the race, no pain. Felt strong and low, and pumped the arms. Good focus and powerful. So happy!



Richard Maclennan had an outstanding 1000m race- beat Mike Ireland. Now I am so positive that anything is achievable and it doesn't matter if you have experience or not, and race someone that's so good, because you can still beat them. Richard proved that theory today.
Congrats- you're amazing!

On my way to Banff now. TTYL

Alex.

Got out ALIVE!

So. 3 essays! DONE! Well almost. Still have one more to write. I got out of school alive though. Am at the oval now- had a new offset on my long track skates and needed to test them out before tomorrow's racing.

I found that my right skate constantly touched the ice in the corners...the boots. And so I had Crispin move the blade over like in ST.

And it feels SO good!

Tomorrow's races are going to be quite exciting... but for some reason not really looing forward to that 1500. 500m, 4th pair, Outside lane (bonus), with Brianne Tutt. 1500m, 9th pair, Inside, with Steph Bergeron.

Gotta write that essay, and then dinner out tonight.

Gotta find an outfit!!!

Alex

Things I did this summah.

spent time with one of my bestfriends
Saw Tony Robbins- front row. Met the man himself too.
Had a BBQ with the Korean Long Track and Short track national teams
Ate some good stuff with Elia in Wasaga

Team bonding at coach's house
Went home to Toronto
Bought one
And two.
Busked on Canada day and made 200.17$$
Went to the MMVAs and saw my future husband Chad.

Training this morning was the b.o.m.b. Felt so good and strong. We had lap intervals. Started out with 6L-8L-12L-8L. By the time we got to 12 I had SO much energy and wanted to go to 15L, but I would have gotten yelled at. So today I didn't really push the limit. And that made me mad. I find a thing a day in training where I do push myself. We were supposed to do the laps @ 37s but did them at 36s, and I couldn't help myself and threw in a 34 and some 35s in there too just for kicks. Of course, people got lactic and got mad. Whatever! That's life.

And today I wore a dress for he second time ever, this year @ school. Got a lot of comments; people were surprised I actually dress like a girl too sometimes. Well I do outside of skating and school when I'm not on the go. Like tomorrow night's dinner I just might dress up.

Afterwards, I went to the oval and picked up my rollerblades and skated home in my dress thingy-ma-bober. Got a few strange looks. My muscles were pumped cause of the weather and they were flexed the whole time. Looked kinda like a body builder in a skirt. You get the idea. I uploaded a pic. You can't really see how shirt the dress actually is, cause it's from a weird angle but it's 30cm above the knee. So it was awkward.

Coached tonight- went well. Did flyers. Now have 3 essays to write. Sleeping tonight- not a chance.

Training tomorrow-

Meet at 7:00am Bike Sprints 3 x 10" R-3' 2 x 3L warm up + 2 x 250m accel 1-2 x 30m roll start 1-2 x 50m stand (can do after tempo) 400m tempo 2 x 3(600:600) aerobic intervals R-6' 20' jog & stretch






Saturday races-

500m 1500m 20' flush on bike right after 500m 30" high aer, 1' easy









I'm kinda really happy tonight ;) Was weird on coaching ice cause someone stole my oakleys and I was thinking about it. But a hug made it better. Ah.

Love,.
Al

Homework these days.

Why I love cooking!

How you can tell I don't act my age.

-Song to listen to while reading this- N'Oubliez Jamais- .joe.cocker.

Well first off. I get home, I turn on Barbra Streisand, and Rod Stewart. Take a shower, put the food on the stove for cookin'. Then sit and read a chapter or two while I cook my soup. Then I take the salmon out and decide I'll cook for the next few days, as I always do. I don't usually cook for the day only. Preparing a salad as the music changes to Joe Cocker.

I've had a few things, major things, that happened to me in life that have shaped who I am, and also matured me. But that matureness only shows when am with older people, people I look up to, or just certain people. Does not show when i tell someone I love them, does not show when I have something bad that I need to get off my chest, and doesn't show when I'm with kids my age.

I have a friend who just turned 18 a few days ago and she is dating this 28 year old guy. They've been dating for 2 years. I used to work with her and was shocked to find out how young she was. She is SO mature and I was really happy to have found someone my age that I can actually have a decent conversation with and not talk about partying and alcohol for once. That's the thing with teens these days.

In the past I've dated guys my age but as I got older, standards and expectations changed. Or preferences?

My ex boyfriend is turning 24 in December and I found that I wasn't wasting my time. He knows what he wants in life, he has his head on his shoulders, outstanding personality, GREAT athlete and good looking too. Good sense of humour, but not really, good kisser and very very good listener. I found I was scared that something was wrong when we'd talk about things and he wouldn't say anything. Then he told me he is a better listener. I found that I got used to that and I thought I knew how to control myself if I am in a situation like that and I want to panic. Was wrong haha! Monday night proved me wrong. Anyways.

I constantly find that I reject invitations to parties and outings where the goal there is to get drunk, or to do stupid stuff. Or just parties in general. Focusing on the goals now, and partying later when everyone else will have to do the hard work. I find that having dinner with a close friend or going to the movies on a Friday night is so much more productive.

I sometimes just wish that certain people would just see me as I see myself and wouldn't just judge by an answer I give to a question, or how I approach a situation. There is one person who really gets me for who I am, and even told me the other day..and i was shocked to be honest. he told me " you know, I did catch on to that caring side you have and I know you would never hurt a bug. You do give off this intense look and are something unreal and intimidating, but getting to know you, you're so DIFFERENT! You're so soft and kind and caring." Then he told me he liked me but I didn't feel the same way back and we will just stay friends which is the best solution.

I was brought up that way, and grew up in a non-violent environment where people always kissed and hugged and were friendly. I am so open and my friends think that's weird. It may be because I was born in Europe and things are way different there, but I LOVE to touch. That may sound funny- I am an affectionate person and like to feel warmth and frankly, it's just nice sometimes, when people hug you. It's not lonely.

Ok drifted off topic there for a second...or five.

I've gone to restaurants and haven't been asked for ID, and constantly have older guys tell me things, and then ask me my age...then it ends. I do wish I was 22 at this point in my life, because of a certain someone, but also because It's the average age that people would think I am when I am going out. I do hate not being 18 yet.

Old pics I came across

At a concert, with the guitar

After i got my bangs

Just showing off. Thank god it doesn't look like that everyday.

With brother, Marc

And sis, Caroll

Caroll's grad dress

Just put it here cause mom looks HOT

Christmas 08 Toronto.

Interview with Rogers

For the PH Scale photoshoot. Modeled their shirts for their company portfolio.

Wim took this one with my cell phone when we stopped for lunch.

-song to listen to while reading this- Head over feet- Alanis Morisette-

Hello ladies.

SO it's 722 am. I was supposed to be at the oval 20minutes ago. My alarm woke me up at 555, and got out of bed and ate, and went back just for 5 minutes cause I was cold, and I wake up an hour and 10minutes later!!!!

So I will skate in the afternoon instead, I think.

This sucks.

Actually, just spoke with Abbby. Will skate this afternoon instead with Marsha.

I wasn't thinking about him this time. Now I can focus-

---

Just got back from coaching. Successful day in training. Damn I am quite jealous of how fast my skates can go. That might sound weird. We had an aerobic power program- 2L, 1L off, 2L, 1Loff and 1L. x3. We started doing them at 2.9's when we were supposed to do them at 3's.

When I lead my laps, I started with a 32.3. Lovely when you know your sidekick mr lactic acid will start kicking in 10 seconds later, and you have 10 more fast laps to do.

Before ice, I went for a one hour and half ride with Troy. We took the road bikes out for a spin after we met at Safeway. Stopped at the Liquor store to pick up a new wine bottle and bacardi. Then off we went. We finally talked about a certain situation and he now knows we will only stay friends.

ANNYWAYS coaching tonight was spectacularly interesting. Did the long track with the SPD3's and then hopped onto the ST with Maggie, Ryan and Tracy for SPD2. They are improving; it's awesome. I was acting a tad weird tonight, but I friggen hate it cause I realize I'm doing it.

Won't happen again. Just had to check some things out.

Ah can't get him off my mind. And now I'm still kinda afraid to show affection like I apparently did before. Hm. I don't know how to be myself! Ok Gotta try.

So tomorrow I shall sleep in and then head to school for the first time this week. Need some serious catching up to do. But not really- grades still too high so 'tis aiight.

Gonna watch a movie and enjoy the comfyness of my couch tonight. I fell asleep on the couch inside my room last night and I swear I had the best sleep I had in the past 8 months.

Night..

Al.

I especially love the part where I now attempt to eat ice cream and it tastes like nothing. Weird cause wine is just like water, and shrimp all of a sudden tastes horrible..

:(

Change of feeling. Oh so fast.

Thought I'd be alright but no.

I want to just leave and ride on my bike

and just take time off life.

I won't cry, I already promised myself.

But what the hell Alex.

Anyways, the Rolling Stones' 'FOOL TO CRY'. isn't helping very much.

Ah!

:'(

Ok So I'll just do it so I feel better inside. I must say that it feels weird crying and laughing at myself at the same time.

Hm, I can't really be serious about crying holy shit! I haven't cried in a while.

I'll stop writing; don't want feelings to come onto here.

I promise I'll start writing about skating more!

AH! but I hate this.

Where's a mother when you need a hug :(

Stiching the poem together and putting it out there. Fully.

Dear Diary, I loved a man who loved not back;

saw something new that set me off track.

met someone of interest, who makes me bring out my best.

I dont know what he knows of but he’s the one i truly love.

everyday i see him there and i just cant seem to be able to stop to care.

there was competition for this one man

he also asked me come along with the team to Japan.

i could go on about him forver

but he'll never know i like him, ever.

i liked him for so long

and my feelings for him are so strong

i remember the time when he came back,

i was jumping for joy and almost got a heart attack.



what to do what to do , it aint good to be in love with you. so far away but also close, have to have my daily dose.

one week later...

Now, the man I love and recently decided to care for,

just decided to silently slam his door.

Casual as it ever might have seem,

hurt as ever have I been.

Good with words and gestures too,

man do I ever feel like a FOOL.

Was about to say what was on my mind,

but just got kicked in the behind.

Do I cry and feel down

or get over it and turn that slight frown upside down?

He said he don't got any time at all,

when we were sitting inside the mall.

Now am afraid to say a thing because I'm scared of him saying no.

Then we'd wait for the relationship to grow.

But I hate having to feel this way for SO damn long,

and in the end having it turn out so wrong.

I want him to make the first move because it will set the groove.

I won't say no and it would never cross my mind,

because I don't want this thing of ours to be blind.

Just say something.



---

I might just let it go and not go with the flow.
Will just pretend it never happened and that there was nothing there,
that I never seemed to care.

I know it should all be clear and should be just said,

but if I tell you I think I'd be so embarrassed and shy that I'd drop dead.

And you say it's so easy and I should just go for it

but I'm afraid of rejection to hit.

That's all, now I'm gonna crawl
back into my hole in the ground

and will wait in the lost and found.


Having a conflict inside with myself about this certain situation,

thank god it's not depression!

I haven't felt like this in SUCH a long time,

and like I mentioned earlier today,

love is such a great feeling and I don't want it to go away!!

You make me tingle deep inside

and when I see you I want to turn around and hide.

Said it before, I can write forever about you,

and everything I say will be true.

I don't know how you did it

but you're something I just can't quit.

Thought it about it all day long,

mind was there and thoughts were strong.

Thought about how you said last night,

that no one interesting has appeared in your sight.

Thought I had a chance to be,

in that spot but not even to the lowest degree.
So now I made up my mind, and I'll let it all fall behind.
Will start acting like a normal kid,

and it will all be just something that I wish I never did.

To fall so hard and not be caught,

it's a stupid lesson that once again I must be taught.

I might as well chose to live like this,

and tell you not of my outstanding and great and loving bliss.

I'll be really sad and it will hurt, it's true,

but I hate the feeling of knowing I can never even kiss or hold you.

This may sound like quite the thing,

but I don't want to just have a fling.
You might get scared and want to run off, after you see what I wrote,
and it's crazy because I can remember everything you have ever said, and I could always quote, you on everything you say, but you're just like on display.

You're this thing that can't be touched

like a precious illusion that can't be clutched.

Clutched I know it's not the brightest of words,

but hey, we're not all nerds..to know and come up with crazy rhymes sometimes.

You are on my mind more than my sport

and I do want you to be there but only for short.(bc I have to focus on skating!!)

It's a nice feeling to have, you wondering around my brain,

but there can only be so much pain.

Once again I have made a mistake

and for yours and my own sake,

I'll leave this be and never ever ever EVER ;) talk about it, I can guarantee.

But then I'd be lying if I said that.

So here I am not keeping my word,
final decision was made, as you obviously have not heard.
I have decided to be myself again,
and that's this moment when,
I figured I will tell him what I feel.

I want to be open and tell you the truth,
I am going to go way past my youth.
Will be sometime this week
that you'll get the full not so sneaky peek
of how I truly feel
and then you'll have to deal
with what you see cause it's what you get
and I know I won't have any regrets
because I am ready for the worst answer i could possibly get
and then I am also ready to open myself up
and celebrate inside with that wine bottle and a cup

;)


Cause I decided that it's not worth waiting and then never knowing
It's all about growing and then showing,
what you truly feel. It's not going to be about those hidden messages that we all give
but I will be brave and i will live,
no matter what you say
we will always stay
friends.

i think about you all the time,

can't you see you drive me out of my mind.

---

Just got home and surprisingly don't feel alone,

no there's no one here except the wine not the beer.

Said it tonight as I had my fingers crossed and clenched my teeth tight.

Prepared myself all day

Even listened to The Fray!

Cooked and slept and talked to myself too

I just wanna be with you. (That just rhymes)

I was told that if it happened to be that you feel the same, I'd open up and say

Everything I feel and felt up to today.

Even though we'd never work, I'd never start acting like a jerk.

I knew your answer before I even said a thing

That’s why I was afraid because I knew there'd be nothing.

So therefore won't tell how I've always felt,

And won't embarrass myself and will keep it under the belt.

You said it and you're right

And it's weird I don’t feel like I want to say goodnight.

So I will keep thinking about you whether or not you want me to ;)

Yet again I shall repeat,

An early quote which I find kind of shweet,

To fall so hard and not be caught,

It’s a stupid lesson that once again I must be taught.

But life goes on and so they say it does

But I like having you in brain like a buzz.

What is weird is that you'll be there a while

And it does make me want to smile.

It's not looking at it as if it's a long mile,

instead something very worthwhile.

I promise I won’t act at all

Will just be myself and stand tall

It’ll be my little secret which I have shared

And it is hilarious how you were prepared!

You listened closely and didn’t freak out

And now I can talk to you about anything, no doubt.

So just thanks for being who you are,

Don’t ever change and Veronica isn't too far!

It's just a step away

She's a human at night and monster by day. ;)

And please do excuse me for taking so long,

In telling you what ended up to be 5 words like the beginning of a song.

But like I said the feelings were strong,

And I was nervous that I’d make it come out wrong.

Next time I promise I’ll make things fast

But you won’t have a blast,

Cause you won’t be laughing at how funny it can be

When you look at how I debate with me (should be myself)

I’ll keep this short, cause it’s getting late

And tomorrow you were right, I do have to skate.

I like you a lot and it’s been for a while

And oh man life is so versatile.