Dear Diary, I loved a man who loved not back;
saw something new that set me off track.
met someone of interest, who makes me bring out my best.
I dont know what he knows of but he’s the one i truly love.
everyday i see him there and i just cant seem to be able to stop to care.
there was competition for this one man
he also asked me come along with the team to Japan.
i could go on about him forver
but he'll never know i like him, ever.
i liked him for so long
and my feelings for him are so strong
i remember the time when he came back,
i was jumping for joy and almost got a heart attack.
what to do what to do , it aint good to be in love with you. so far away but also close, have to have my daily dose.
one week later...
Now, the man I love and recently decided to care for,
just decided to silently slam his door.
Casual as it ever might have seem,
hurt as ever have I been.
Good with words and gestures too,
man do I ever feel like a FOOL.
Was about to say what was on my mind,
but just got kicked in the behind.
Do I cry and feel down
or get over it and turn that slight frown upside down?
He said he don't got any time at all,
when we were sitting inside the mall.
Now am afraid to say a thing because I'm scared of him saying no.
Then we'd wait for the relationship to grow.
But I hate having to feel this way for SO damn long,
and in the end having it turn out so wrong.
I want him to make the first move because it will set the groove.
I won't say no and it would never cross my mind,
because I don't want this thing of ours to be blind.
Just say something.
---
I might just let it go and not go with the flow.
Will just pretend it never happened and that there was nothing there,
that I never seemed to care.
I know it should all be clear and should be just said,
but if I tell you I think I'd be so embarrassed and shy that I'd drop dead.
And you say it's so easy and I should just go for it
but I'm afraid of rejection to hit.
That's all, now I'm gonna crawl
back into my hole in the ground
and will wait in the lost and found.
Having a conflict inside with myself about this certain situation,
thank god it's not depression!
I haven't felt like this in SUCH a long time,
and like I mentioned earlier today,
love is such a great feeling and I don't want it to go away!!
You make me tingle deep inside
and when I see you I want to turn around and hide.
Said it before, I can write forever about you,
and everything I say will be true.
I don't know how you did it
but you're something I just can't quit.
Thought it about it all day long,
mind was there and thoughts were strong.
Thought about how you said last night,
that no one interesting has appeared in your sight.
Thought I had a chance to be,
in that spot but not even to the lowest degree.
So now I made up my mind, and I'll let it all fall behind.
Will start acting like a normal kid,
and it will all be just something that I wish I never did.
To fall so hard and not be caught,
it's a stupid lesson that once again I must be taught.
I might as well chose to live like this,
and tell you not of my outstanding and great and loving bliss.
I'll be really sad and it will hurt, it's true,
but I hate the feeling of knowing I can never even kiss or hold you.
This may sound like quite the thing,
but I don't want to just have a fling.
You might get scared and want to run off, after you see what I wrote,
and it's crazy because I can remember everything you have ever said, and I could always quote, you on everything you say, but you're just like on display.
You're this thing that can't be touched
like a precious illusion that can't be clutched.
Clutched I know it's not the brightest of words,
but hey, we're not all nerds..to know and come up with crazy rhymes sometimes.
You are on my mind more than my sport
and I do want you to be there but only for short.(bc I have to focus on skating!!)
It's a nice feeling to have, you wondering around my brain,
but there can only be so much pain.
Once again I have made a mistake
and for yours and my own sake,
I'll leave this be and never ever ever EVER ;) talk about it, I can guarantee.
But then I'd be lying if I said that.
So here I am not keeping my word,
final decision was made, as you obviously have not heard.
I have decided to be myself again,
and that's this moment when,
I figured I will tell him what I feel.
I want to be open and tell you the truth,
I am going to go way past my youth.
Will be sometime this week
that you'll get the full not so sneaky peek
of how I truly feel
and then you'll have to deal
with what you see cause it's what you get
and I know I won't have any regrets
because I am ready for the worst answer i could possibly get
and then I am also ready to open myself up
and celebrate inside with that wine bottle and a cup
;)
Cause I decided that it's not worth waiting and then never knowing
It's all about growing and then showing,
what you truly feel. It's not going to be about those hidden messages that we all give
but I will be brave and i will live,
no matter what you say
we will always stay
friends.
i think about you all the time,
can't you see you drive me out of my mind.
---
Just got home and surprisingly don't feel alone,
no there's no one here except the wine not the beer.
Said it tonight as I had my fingers crossed and clenched my teeth tight.
Prepared myself all day
Even listened to The Fray!
Cooked and slept and talked to myself too
I just wanna be with you. (That just rhymes)
I was told that if it happened to be that you feel the same, I'd open up and say
Everything I feel and felt up to today.
Even though we'd never work, I'd never start acting like a jerk.
I knew your answer before I even said a thing
That’s why I was afraid because I knew there'd be nothing.
So therefore won't tell how I've always felt,
And won't embarrass myself and will keep it under the belt.
You said it and you're right
And it's weird I don’t feel like I want to say goodnight.
So I will keep thinking about you whether or not you want me to ;)
Yet again I shall repeat,
An early quote which I find kind of shweet,
To fall so hard and not be caught,
It’s a stupid lesson that once again I must be taught.
But life goes on and so they say it does
But I like having you in brain like a buzz.
What is weird is that you'll be there a while
And it does make me want to smile.
It's not looking at it as if it's a long mile,
instead something very worthwhile.
I promise I won’t act at all
Will just be myself and stand tall
It’ll be my little secret which I have shared
And it is hilarious how you were prepared!
You listened closely and didn’t freak out
And now I can talk to you about anything, no doubt.
So just thanks for being who you are,
Don’t ever change and Veronica isn't too far!
It's just a step away
She's a human at night and monster by day. ;)
And please do excuse me for taking so long,
In telling you what ended up to be 5 words like the beginning of a song.
But like I said the feelings were strong,
And I was nervous that I’d make it come out wrong.
Next time I promise I’ll make things fast
But you won’t have a blast,
Cause you won’t be laughing at how funny it can be
When you look at how I debate with me (should be myself)
I’ll keep this short, cause it’s getting late
And tomorrow you were right, I do have to skate.
I like you a lot and it’s been for a while
And oh man life is so versatile.
