How you can tell I don't act my age.

-Song to listen to while reading this- N'Oubliez Jamais- .joe.cocker.

Well first off. I get home, I turn on Barbra Streisand, and Rod Stewart. Take a shower, put the food on the stove for cookin'. Then sit and read a chapter or two while I cook my soup. Then I take the salmon out and decide I'll cook for the next few days, as I always do. I don't usually cook for the day only. Preparing a salad as the music changes to Joe Cocker.

I've had a few things, major things, that happened to me in life that have shaped who I am, and also matured me. But that matureness only shows when am with older people, people I look up to, or just certain people. Does not show when i tell someone I love them, does not show when I have something bad that I need to get off my chest, and doesn't show when I'm with kids my age.

I have a friend who just turned 18 a few days ago and she is dating this 28 year old guy. They've been dating for 2 years. I used to work with her and was shocked to find out how young she was. She is SO mature and I was really happy to have found someone my age that I can actually have a decent conversation with and not talk about partying and alcohol for once. That's the thing with teens these days.

In the past I've dated guys my age but as I got older, standards and expectations changed. Or preferences?

My ex boyfriend is turning 24 in December and I found that I wasn't wasting my time. He knows what he wants in life, he has his head on his shoulders, outstanding personality, GREAT athlete and good looking too. Good sense of humour, but not really, good kisser and very very good listener. I found I was scared that something was wrong when we'd talk about things and he wouldn't say anything. Then he told me he is a better listener. I found that I got used to that and I thought I knew how to control myself if I am in a situation like that and I want to panic. Was wrong haha! Monday night proved me wrong. Anyways.

I constantly find that I reject invitations to parties and outings where the goal there is to get drunk, or to do stupid stuff. Or just parties in general. Focusing on the goals now, and partying later when everyone else will have to do the hard work. I find that having dinner with a close friend or going to the movies on a Friday night is so much more productive.

I sometimes just wish that certain people would just see me as I see myself and wouldn't just judge by an answer I give to a question, or how I approach a situation. There is one person who really gets me for who I am, and even told me the other day..and i was shocked to be honest. he told me " you know, I did catch on to that caring side you have and I know you would never hurt a bug. You do give off this intense look and are something unreal and intimidating, but getting to know you, you're so DIFFERENT! You're so soft and kind and caring." Then he told me he liked me but I didn't feel the same way back and we will just stay friends which is the best solution.

I was brought up that way, and grew up in a non-violent environment where people always kissed and hugged and were friendly. I am so open and my friends think that's weird. It may be because I was born in Europe and things are way different there, but I LOVE to touch. That may sound funny- I am an affectionate person and like to feel warmth and frankly, it's just nice sometimes, when people hug you. It's not lonely.

Ok drifted off topic there for a second...or five.

I've gone to restaurants and haven't been asked for ID, and constantly have older guys tell me things, and then ask me my age...then it ends. I do wish I was 22 at this point in my life, because of a certain someone, but also because It's the average age that people would think I am when I am going out. I do hate not being 18 yet.